amai_diamond

A MUST for all Firefly fans - (and just those that think Fox network are idiots)

2007-04-25T20:33:57Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1x390egmJCg

In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation, Amen -

2007-01-31T01:14:51Z

What Hellsing Character Are You?

Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Pah! Who believes stoopid quizzes anyways

2007-01-26T20:51:28Z

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	High
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	Moderate
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Song Of The Day....

2007-01-23T21:27:21Z

"I Want To Disappear"

Look at me now I've got no religion
Look at me now I'm so vacant
Look at me now I was a virgin
Look at me now grew up to be a whore
And I want it
I believe it
I'm a million different things
And not one you know

Hey and our mommies are lost now
Hey, daddy's someone else
Hey, we love the abuse
Because it makes us feel like we are needed now
But I know
I wanna disappear

I wanna die young and sell my soul
Use up all your drugs and make me come
Yesterday man, I was a nihilist and now today
I'm too fucking bored by the time I'm old enough
I won't know anything at all

Hay, and our mommies are lost now

Shamelessly Stolen...

2007-01-23T21:15:31Z

Comment below and I will:

1) Tell you why I friended you.
2) Associate you with a song/movie.
3) Tell a random fact about you.
4) Tell a first memory about you.
5) Associate you with an animal/fruit.
6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7) In retort, you MUST spead this disease in your LJ (don't bother if you have already).

And so the Earthquake hits...

2007-01-22T21:29:17Z

There had to be an earthquake, lol

Well, Newsflash and Update.

I'm Single, hell yeah the earth moved and...

I'M STILL FUCKING STANDING

Oh My.....

2007-01-22T10:11:12Z

Well what a party, was a fantastic evening, great blend of people - great night all round!
And, as for a situation that could have been really rather sticky - I'll say no more aside from that it was interesting....
Took a wander round, jogged a lot of memories, some places more painfull than others, It's times like that I'm glad of the little locked box in my head where I can shove things.
All in all survived and in one piece.
Yay party!

Waiting on the Earthquake Now.....

2007-01-19T12:20:25Z

WELLLL...... First it was the water flooding down our wallls, next it was the eek factor of the shop chimmney fire, then yesterday the wind decided to huff and puff and with the help of a large tree break our guttering and take lots of tiles off our roof soooo, Water, Fire, Wind... It's logically gonna be earthquake next!
On a plus side yesterday i found out that the party i've been looking forward to for the last two weeks is going ahead, yay! So now i need to start figuring out what to wear (bigggg job) also I had a very successfull venture into the disney store and emerged very happy with armfulls of stuff from nightmare before xmas and pirates! Yarrrr!

Feeling Shakey

2007-01-12T13:15:37Z

Ok, one of those times i need to blog, well they say writing is a good way to work out emotions.
Just had a message from my house mate asking me to call him, phoned and he told me that the chip ship next door to our house had had a fire in the flu/chimmney that runs up the back of our place and theirs.
He said not to worry and things were ok but then he said that the third fire engine had just gone....3 fire engins, why would there be 3 fire engins for something to not worry about?
I dunno if it really is ok or if he is trying not to scare me, the idea of a fire breaking out so easily scares the living hell out of me.
I can't stop trembling.

Oh Dear, ROFLMAO

2007-01-11T15:17:21Z

Well, This is what i've been saying for the last 4 months.

Smart, adaptable, you're able to insinuate yourself into any setting and act like you were born there. Sure, sincerity and honesty aren't your strong points, but you can fake them if the need arises. You might feel a little hollow inside, but with so many friends, who cares?
What's your malfunction?

It just gets worse....

2007-01-04T12:30:42Z

In the year 2007 I resolve to:
Give myself an anal probe.

Get your resolution here.

But...I'm an Angel...Honest...

2007-01-04T12:21:52Z

Hmmm, Had to be done but maybe work was not the place :D

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	16.7% I wouldn't shake hands, if I were you	64.7%
Shamelessness	23.8% For Christ's sake, put your clothes on!	78.9%
Sex Drive	44.7% I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan'!	77.2%
Straightness	0% Knows the other body type like a map	43.9%
Gayness	5.4% Makes Dr. Frank-n-Furter look tame	83.7%
Fucking Sick	39.8% Don't look in the basement	89.9%
You are 23.27% pure Average Score: 72.4%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

Instructions for Disaster? 12 Vikings....oh my!

2007-01-03T13:25:37Z

On the twelfth day of Christmas, amai_diamond sent to me...

Twelve vikinghugs drumming

Eleven theblondegoths piping

Ten charlie4bears a-leaping

Nine rock_ducks dancing

Eight cyb0rfoxs a-milking

Seven fraggleonspeeds a-swimming

Six elegy_of_flames a-laying

Five psycho-o-o-o_smurfs

Four spoilt1362s

Three born_ruineds

Two wuzzard333s

...and a LiveJournal meme in a pear tree.

Happy New Year, and New Start for yours truly

2007-01-02T13:38:09Z

Well here I am at the start of another year, another year older and I hope just a little wiser.
2006 was a pretty awful year so heres to 2007 being a little better, I'm pretty sure it will be.
In 2006 I learnt about lies, lack of honor, new insights into how low people sink and how despite being pretty hard bitten and cynical in some areas I am just too trusting, I also however learnt about friendship, support, how sometimes it's worth keeping that tiny bit of caring alive and about how things can only get better :D
Pre new year htings started going well when the car passed it's MOT straight out, woo hoo bo massive bill this time, I have also taken back my resignation at the hellhole, have realised it's possibly inside my head that needs to change, I can handle my job as long as the rest of my life is in control and it was the outside factors that gave me problems. Events of the latter part of this year shook me to the core because, I just didn't know how to react, it's never happened to me before and I literally have no real concept of the mentality behind the things that happened to me, I can't even really process it logically as to my mind there is no progression that fits, this probably makes no sense lol.
I guess it's like, the foundation of my world was shaken, as a person i place massive value on integrity, honor, truth, honesty and the like, I am very old world in my thoughts quite possibly old fashioned but I believe there is a way life should be lived and a way things should be done, a code as it were, quite possibly my ideals have no place in this century but then again i have often thought I was born a couple of hundered years too late.
Having it drummed home to me that it didn't work that way was a short sharp shock, ok I'm no niave little thing, I don't live under a rock, I KNOW that people lie and all the rest its just I have not had it happen to me before, it's one thing knowing people do that another thing experiencing it, quite frankly it screwed me up.
I speant about a month and a half determindly not caring, insisting i was not screwed up at all, I emotionally detatched myself completly so as to ensure no-one will ever do that to me again because it's a level of pain I don't think i could take, then I started to look at myself deeper and realsie just how fucked up I had gotten, reading back through my journal, my attitudes to people but it was like being in a glass box, I lost a lot of self worth and the way I thought of myself dropped, my mentality was like, if I give someone everything I have and they still trash me, then what am I worth, nothing. A couple of very good friends helped me, listened to me rant, cry, be cold, be depressed be everything i needed whilst still insisting that I am good and am worth something and that I can be the Mel that i was.
So in the start of 2007 I'm doing a lot better I think, I'm loosing the weight I put on comfert eating and I plan to stick to my diet till I'm where i want to be, i can handle my job a lot better when my view on myself is better so an improved mental attitude will help there too. I know that i will not be destroyed by anyone as I was a few months ago as I am no longer that stupid, I will look to build things that still benifit me but don't put be in a position to have my dignaty and emotions trashed.
All in all I think 2007 is going to be my year, and as I turn quater of a century old in march it damn well should be.

Happy New Year Everyone

Friendship

2006-12-24T21:47:13Z

I have just read a friends LJ, a friend who joined LJ because she wanted to keep up to date with whats going on in my world, a friend who I view as my sister and who is the most amazing person.
I have a few amazing friends and this girl is one of them, i am one lucky person to know her, she is called Sam or Sammy and has been my strength and my rock at times i thought I couldnt walk anymore.
Sam said that i'm one in a million, if thats the case then she must be the one in a billion, she is one of the very few people I have met who is pure of heart, honerable, and is 100% true and she is what i would call a genuine good person.
I have never seen any malice or spite in her which in my world is a true rarity and what she wrote damn near brought tears to my eyes, it's christmas eve and hell, maybe i'm going soft in my old age but i want that girl to know just how much she means.

Betrayal, Trust and Surviving a notice period

2006-12-20T12:24:58Z

Well, life is...lets just say interesting at the moment. Many things have changed in the past week.
I've quit the hellhole, got myself a new job and am currently struggling through my notice period, in all honesty I'm not sure i'm going to make it, I feel physically queasy the whole time i am in that place, constantly on the brink of having a crying fit or screaming murderous rage, i kinda feel like i have major PMT plus a headache plus the sick awful sensation in the pit of the stomach that people get when something is really wrong, and all at once, I'm snappy, irritable and it's coming out to those around me so I have to do something, even if that means dragging my ass to see a doctor.
I learnt a harsh lesson in trust the other night, Found out my suspicions were correct and that i was well and trully fucked over by someone I cared deeply for, not just in what that person did, but in how they did it, it was quite possibly the worst thing anyone could do to a girl like me and i felt physically sick knowing it was deliberate, i'd asked for the truth many times but only had lies, it took trickery to discover what was underneath. I'm still trying to figure out what i did to deserve things, it's one hell of a karmic kick in the teeth and feels like, emotional violation i guess, like, you give over all your trust and care to someone, allow them to see beneath the mask and then they trash you, with utterly no regard for the effects their behaviour might have, decieve and lie even when there is no reason to any more and you never know the reason why.
So yeah, can't stand work and sick to my stomach and disbelieving about other areas in life but aside from that ok, I've already started to rebuild

And the countdown is on...

2006-12-18T13:20:49Z

Woo Hoo, I quit my job at the Hellhole, I finally did it, no more of any of it, The countdown is on, I already feel like a weight has been lifted, now I just need to make it through the notice period..

Why am I always the insane and dangerous one..Pah, I wanted to be Kaylee or Inara

2006-12-11T13:30:51Z

Your results:
You are River (Stowaway)

River (Stowaway)		70%
Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)		60%
Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)		60%
Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)		60%
Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)		55%
Derrial Book (Shepherd)		55%
Wash (Ship Pilot)		40%
A Reaver (Cannibal)		40%
Alliance		40%
Inara Serra (Companion)		35%
Jayne Cobb (Mercenary)		25%

Even though you may have some personality problems,
(most likely due to being too smart
and/or from experiments done on you),
you are extremely talented and loved.

Click here to take the "Which Serenity character are you?" quiz...

Public Health Warning

2006-12-08T17:02:48Z

I think second life should come with a health warning, it's highly addictive and I think its stolen my soul..

*purrzles lots and likes second life*

Friends

2006-12-05T22:10:25Z

Forgive the sap....

Ok, I just had to write this, because I'm having one of those moments.
You know, occasionally in life you get a real warm fuzzy moment, when you realise just how special people are to you and you are to them, this is a rare moment for me, no cynasism and no negativity, I am just totally blown away by my friends.
I'm realising I have people who will stand by me, look out for me and always be honest with me no matter what shit is thrown their way, people that I can depend on, and as much as I state i'm a heartless bitch i do the same back.
I guess its when you watch people pull together and make something happen, or see the effort people go to to make other people smile, it counteracts all the anger and shit sometimes, and if the moment lasts two seconds or two hours it is worth it.
It makes me remember why I am still going on.

Life Update and The Return of the Dinosaurs

2006-12-05T12:19:36Z

Well I'm still here, thats the first update, decided to post to my LJ again to let those that are interested know whats going on in the world of Mel.

Things roll on as normal, I'm still looking for another job, still living in the same place, still doing the same things so not much change there. Had a great weekend, had some me time on Saturday then went out with friends on Sunday, armed with birthday cake, plus I got to eat icecream.

One thing I have decided is I no longer give a toss what is thought of me, There are very few people in this world that I care about the oppinion off and they know me well enough to not believe anything they hear, I have been the victim of some particually vicious rumours lately and, as will happen in these things it's all about as clear as mud but I have decided I don't care about any of it, let people chatter away all they like if they have nothing better to do, I know who my friends are and what my friends think so all is good.

Well thats about it from me, I am going to find chocolate as i have PMT from hell and feel like squashing things like a big stompy dinosaur, maybe I should be "megabitchasauras" or "bloatedandinpainasauras"...

Hmmm, I think I like megabitchasauras best..... rarrrghhhhh STOMP STOMP STOMP

There, now I feel better.

And yes, for the raised eyebrows out there.... You're surprised i'm insane???

Oh Bugger Off - Bloody Tests

2006-11-30T11:11:28Z

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Very High
Dysthymia:	High-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	High-Moderate
Cyclothymia:	Extremely High
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Moderate
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test

Mel

2006-11-28T10:37:37Z

Well this has been edited now I have more time. Not much to say at the moment in regards to my life, not much going on aside from things really too personal to comment on, however I can now safely say Mel is gone. I have been told by a few of you that I am changing, becoming colder, harder, less caring, less soft - some of you like it, some of you hate it but it is what is happening, it is factual and liking me or disliking me won't change a thing.
The last part of me that was soft has been removed and if there are any lingering parts then it will not be long before those are crushed too, I have no wish for emotions, no need for human feelings and no need for nicetys, those things only bring me pain and more pain either at the hands of someone else or the hands of myself, this transition has been coming a while, slowly as I realised exactly what caring gets a girl in this life, part of me held out for a few months, remaining soft, wanting to believe in so many things but that part is now also dead. So here it is, you may like me, you may not like me, either way, I will not treat anyone any different however please be aware that I am not soft and I am not nice, I am if anything hollow. Well there you have it, melodramatic post of the day and for those of you who don't like it tough, you could have stopped reading at any point. It maybe a while till I update again but for those that want to talk to me you know where to find me.

Regards to all

mel

Oh and just because i can...

Your Life is 19% Perfect

Your life is a bit of a struggle right now, so it's pretty far from perfect.
Keep going forward, and things are sure to improve!

How Perfect is Your Life?

Update

2006-11-27T13:38:44Z

Well here is another 30 second update.....

Well still no home internet though I'm hoping when I get back after work it will have magically sprung back into life...

Water through ceiling has now stopped, yay and wall is starting to dry out.

Work is still the evil place from hell and seems to get worse every day.

I have applied for a job at CeX - fingers crossed for me people :)

I speant my weekend in London, yay.

Next weekend should be funky and the weekend after that if everything goes according to plan.

I have decided sleep and food are both overated.

I really really wish I had a magic lamp.

I want black and purple hair.

And.

I have decided I need a new corset.

Oh my life is so very interesting.

Can I take my life back if I can find the receipt?

2006-11-24T15:39:29Z

Well still no net from home... Water through ceiling seems to have stopped which is a good thing and I got paid which is a good thing...
Weekend plans no longer happening, circumstances arose that meant It got cancelled but is possibility might be doing something else anyways. Will now be working tomorrow which means time in dreaded job however extra money and for extra money I can handle dreaded job, i'm knackered now though so lord knows what will be like come tomorrow!
aside from all that I have nice friends who care about me, thats a good thing, I'm not entirely sure why but eh, my friends are insane.
So thats about it....I'm off to erm...do something.. no idea what as yet though