amai_diamond

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1x390egmJCg

What Hellsing Character Are You?


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Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	High
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Disorder:	Moderate
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

"I Want To Disappear"

Look at me now I've got no religion
Look at me now I'm so vacant
Look at me now I was a virgin
Look at me now grew up to be a whore
And I want it
I believe it
I'm a million different things
And not one you know

Hey and our mommies are lost now
Hey, daddy's someone else
Hey, we love the abuse
Because it makes us feel like we are needed now
But I know
I wanna disappear

I wanna die young and sell my soul
Use up all your drugs and make me come
Yesterday man, I was a nihilist and now today
I'm too fucking bored by the time I'm old enough
I won't know anything at all

Hay, and our mommies are lost now

Comment below and I will:

1) Tell you why I friended you.
2) Associate you with a song/movie.
3) Tell a random fact about you.
4) Tell a first memory about you.
5) Associate you with an animal/fruit.
6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7) In retort, you MUST spead this disease in your LJ (don't bother if you have already).

There had to be an earthquake, lol

Well, Newsflash and Update.

I'm Single, hell yeah the earth moved and...

I'M STILL FUCKING STANDING

Well what a party, was a fantastic evening, great blend of people - great night all round!
And, as for a situation that could have been really rather sticky - I'll say no more aside from that it was interesting....
Took a wander round, jogged a lot of memories, some places more painfull than others, It's times like that I'm glad of the little locked box in my head where I can shove things.
All in all survived and in one piece.
Yay party!

WELLLL...... First it was the water flooding down our wallls, next it was the eek factor of the shop chimmney fire, then yesterday the wind decided to huff and puff and with the help of a large tree break our guttering and take lots of tiles off our roof soooo, Water, Fire, Wind... It's logically gonna be earthquake next!
On a plus side yesterday i found out that the party i've been looking forward to for the last two weeks is going ahead, yay! So now i need to start figuring out what to wear (bigggg job) also I had a very successfull venture into the disney store and emerged very happy with armfulls of stuff from nightmare before xmas and pirates! Yarrrr!

Ok, one of those times i need to blog, well they say writing is a good way to work out emotions.
Just had a message from my house mate asking me to call him, phoned and he told me that the chip ship next door to our house had had a fire in the flu/chimmney that runs up the back of our place and theirs.
He said not to worry and things were ok but then he said that the third fire engine had just gone....3 fire engins, why would there be 3 fire engins for something to not worry about?
I dunno if it really is ok or if he is trying not to scare me, the idea of a fire breaking out so easily scares the living hell out of me.
I can't stop trembling.

Well, This is what i've been saying for the last 4 months.

Smart, adaptable, you're able to insinuate yourself into any setting and act like you were born there. Sure, sincerity and honesty aren't your strong points, but you can fake them if the need arises. You might feel a little hollow inside, but with so many friends, who cares?
What's your malfunction?

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Give myself an anal probe. Get your resolution here.

Hmmm, Had to be done but maybe work was not the place :D

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	16.7% I wouldn't shake hands, if I were you	64.7%
Shamelessness	23.8% For Christ's sake, put your clothes on!	78.9%
Sex Drive	44.7% I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan'!	77.2%
Straightness	0% Knows the other body type like a map	43.9%
Gayness	5.4% Makes Dr. Frank-n-Furter look tame	83.7%
Fucking Sick	39.8% Don't look in the basement	89.9%
You are 23.27% pure Average Score: 72.4%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

Well here I am at the start of another year, another year older and I hope just a little wiser.
2006 was a pretty awful year so heres to 2007 being a little better, I'm pretty sure it will be.
In 2006 I learnt about lies, lack of honor, new insights into how low people sink and how despite being pretty hard bitten and cynical in some areas I am just too trusting, I also however learnt about friendship, support, how sometimes it's worth keeping that tiny bit of caring alive and about how things can only get better :D
Pre new year htings started going well when the car passed it's MOT straight out, woo hoo bo massive bill this time, I have also taken back my resignation at the hellhole, have realised it's possibly inside my head that needs to change, I can handle my job as long as the rest of my life is in control and it was the outside factors that gave me problems. Events of the latter part of this year shook me to the core because, I just didn't know how to react, it's never happened to me before and I literally have no real concept of the mentality behind the things that happened to me, I can't even really process it logically as to my mind there is no progression that fits, this probably makes no sense lol.
I guess it's like, the foundation of my world was shaken, as a person i place massive value on integrity, honor, truth, honesty and the like, I am very old world in my thoughts quite possibly old fashioned but I believe there is a way life should be lived and a way things should be done, a code as it were, quite possibly my ideals have no place in this century but then again i have often thought I was born a couple of hundered years too late.
Having it drummed home to me that it didn't work that way was a short sharp shock, ok I'm no niave little thing, I don't live under a rock, I KNOW that people lie and all the rest its just I have not had it happen to me before, it's one thing knowing people do that another thing experiencing it, quite frankly it screwed me up.
I speant about a month and a half determindly not caring, insisting i was not screwed up at all, I emotionally detatched myself completly so as to ensure no-one will ever do that to me again because it's a level of pain I don't think i could take, then I started to look at myself deeper and realsie just how fucked up I had gotten, reading back through my journal, my attitudes to people but it was like being in a glass box, I lost a lot of self worth and the way I thought of myself dropped, my mentality was like, if I give someone everything I have and they still trash me, then what am I worth, nothing. A couple of very good friends helped me, listened to me rant, cry, be cold, be depressed be everything i needed whilst still insisting that I am good and am worth something and that I can be the Mel that i was.
So in the start of 2007 I'm doing a lot better I think, I'm loosing the weight I put on comfert eating and I plan to stick to my diet till I'm where i want to be, i can handle my job a lot better when my view on myself is better so an improved mental attitude will help there too. I know that i will not be destroyed by anyone as I was a few months ago as I am no longer that stupid, I will look to build things that still benifit me but don't put be in a position to have my dignaty and emotions trashed.
All in all I think 2007 is going to be my year, and as I turn quater of a century old in march it damn well should be.

Happy New Year Everyone

I have just read a friends LJ, a friend who joined LJ because she wanted to keep up to date with whats going on in my world, a friend who I view as my sister and who is the most amazing person.
I have a few amazing friends and this girl is one of them, i am one lucky person to know her, she is called Sam or Sammy and has been my strength and my rock at times i thought I couldnt walk anymore.
Sam said that i'm one in a million, if thats the case then she must be the one in a billion, she is one of the very few people I have met who is pure of heart, honerable, and is 100% true and she is what i would call a genuine good person.
I have never seen any malice or spite in her which in my world is a true rarity and what she wrote damn near brought tears to my eyes, it's christmas eve and hell, maybe i'm going soft in my old age but i want that girl to know just how much she means.

Well, life is...lets just say interesting at the moment. Many things have changed in the past week.
I've quit the hellhole, got myself a new job and am currently struggling through my notice period, in all honesty I'm not sure i'm going to make it, I feel physically queasy the whole time i am in that place, constantly on the brink of having a crying fit or screaming murderous rage, i kinda feel like i have major PMT plus a headache plus the sick awful sensation in the pit of the stomach that people get when something is really wrong, and all at once, I'm snappy, irritable and it's coming out to those around me so I have to do something, even if that means dragging my ass to see a doctor.
I learnt a harsh lesson in trust the other night, Found out my suspicions were correct and that i was well and trully fucked over by someone I cared deeply for, not just in what that person did, but in how they did it, it was quite possibly the worst thing anyone could do to a girl like me and i felt physically sick knowing it was deliberate, i'd asked for the truth many times but only had lies, it took trickery to discover what was underneath. I'm still trying to figure out what i did to deserve things, it's one hell of a karmic kick in the teeth and feels like, emotional violation i guess, like, you give over all your trust and care to someone, allow them to see beneath the mask and then they trash you, with utterly no regard for the effects their behaviour might have, decieve and lie even when there is no reason to any more and you never know the reason why.
So yeah, can't stand work and sick to my stomach and disbelieving about other areas in life but aside from that ok, I've already started to rebuild

Woo Hoo, I quit my job at the Hellhole, I finally did it, no more of any of it, The countdown is on, I already feel like a weight has been lifted, now I just need to make it through the notice period..

Your results:
You are River (Stowaway)

River (Stowaway) 70% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 60% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 60% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 60% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 55% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 55% Wash (Ship Pilot) 40% A Reaver (Cannibal) 40% Alliance 40% Inara Serra (Companion) 35% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 25%

Even though you may have some personality problems, (most likely due to being too smart and/or from experiments done on you), you are extremely talented and loved.

Click here to take the "Which Serenity character are you?" quiz...

I think second life should come with a health warning, it's highly addictive and I think its stolen my soul..

*purrzles lots and likes second life*

Forgive the sap....


Ok, I just had to write this, because I'm having one of those moments.
You know, occasionally in life you get a real warm fuzzy moment, when you realise just how special people are to you and you are to them, this is a rare moment for me, no cynasism and no negativity, I am just totally blown away by my friends.
I'm realising I have people who will stand by me, look out for me and always be honest with me no matter what shit is thrown their way, people that I can depend on, and as much as I state i'm a heartless bitch i do the same back.
I guess its when you watch people pull together and make something happen, or see the effort people go to to make other people smile, it counteracts all the anger and shit sometimes, and if the moment lasts two seconds or two hours it is worth it.
It makes me remember why I am still going on.